For immediate release (April 1, 2008) LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL (Press Agency EU) Speaking to a group of reporters outside the Team Disney Lake Buena Vista office this morning, Walt Disney Company CEO Bob Iger and Jay Rasulo, Chairman of Walt Disney Parks & Resorts announced Disney's Ten Year Theme Park expansion plans. "While many on the internet are familiar with our plan to open the fifth gate here in Orlando, known as 'Night Kingdom', most do not know our other plans" announced Mr. Rasulo. • Night Kingdom will be located to the west of the Magic Kingdom, and will only be open from 4 pm to midnight daily. Reservations will only be accepted 181 days in advance, with all ticket costs due up front with a 97 day cancellation period. Only 2,000 guests will be admitted each night. • Disney will open up a second theme park in China, to be called Disneyland Shanghai. Groundbreaking is expected to occur later on this month, with the park scheduled to open on July 17, 2010. • In 2009, Disney's Hollywood Studios will welcome Star Tours: Flight of the Jedi, an all-new interactive motion simulator attraction that involved guest input. Once the new Star Tours attraction opens, the Indiana Jones stunt show, Muppetvision 3-D, Pizza Planet and Lights Motors Action show will close to make room for the New Republiclandia area of the park, where guests will be able to visit the Mos Eisley cantina for food and drinks, Docking Bay 94, and have meet and greets with Adrimal Thrawn, Anakin Skywalker, and R2-D2. Additionally, the Hollywood Backlot will close to make room for The Nightmare before Christmas Halloweentown area. Previously announced new attractions for this park include Crush's coaster. • The Magic Kingdom will close all of Adventureland to convert it into Narnia. Space Mountain will close in late 2008 to be converted into Space Mountain Rocks! with music by Justin Timberlake. Additionally, the Carousel of Progress will be rethemed to "Disney under Eisner: Great Moments from the Disney Decade" • Disney's Animal Kingdom in 2009 will open Beastlieland, where visitors will be able to see Maleficient turn into a dragon every night as part of the elaborately planned live show "Imagination!" where Maleficient and Queen Narissa collaborate to destroy the theme park. But only with the help of Giselle and the other classic Disney princesses can their plan be stopped. Additionally guests will be able to strap themselves onto a horse that holds up to 8 guests and navigate through a classic battle between knights and dragons, based on the video game "Dragon's Lair". • Disney will also open a third theme park in Southern California, south of Disneyland in Garden Grove. Currently unnamed, Disney promises that the third gate in California will exceed all expectations that do not include building a version of Epcot out west. • Epcot will see the most amount of work of any Disney park in the United States. Russia will have their pavilion opened in 2010, while the American pavilion will close in late 2009 to make room for the India pavilion, sponsored by Dell, the Sweden pavilion, sponsored by Ikea USA, and the Dubai pavilion. Additionally, Mt. Fuji will be built in the Japan pavilion, and will be a mountain themed coaster like Expedition Everest. In the Future World portion of the park, Test Track will close in late 2008 to add another lane on the outside part of the building. Once the renovation is complete, the guest driver will be able to accelerate past the current limit of 65 miles an hour (up to 88 miles per hour) and change lanes. The Universe of Energy will get it's third update, sponsored by BP Solar, and the dinosaurs will be removed for what is being called an exciting new adventure. The Land will get Soarin 2: with three different films: Soarin over North and South America, Soarin over Europe and Africa, and Soarin over China & India. Each film will be randomly chosen. Lastly, Spaceship Earth will close in late 2008 to make room for the all-new attraction, sponsored by JP Morgan Chase, which will trace the history of banking in the world all to why adjustable rate mortgages are the wave of the future. Narration will be provided by Jim Cramer. In other news, from New York City, James Dimon announced this morning that JP Morgan Chase (NYSE:JPM) has accepted a buyout offer from the Walt Disney Company (NYSEIS) at $46 a share, or 7.7% over Friday's close. When asked why the Walt Disney Company decided to buy out JP Morgan Chase, Mr. Rasulo mentioned, "Well, we have a relationship with them. We signed an agreement with Bank One, and they were bought out by JP Morgan Chase. After we reviewed the sheer number of ATM transactions at Walt Disney Theme Parks, along with the credit card transactions, we felt that the synergy between the two companies could be enhanced by a merger. Also, based on the number of DVC members, individual Disney shareholders, and Disney fans worldwide, we knew that the market was there for people to open up accounts with Disney Bank, or use Scrooge's ATM, or have Princess-themed overlays for a credit card terminal at a retail location." We also asked Mr. Rasulo about why the Magic Kingdom would be want to change Adventureland into Narnia, and he replied "We've looked at the numbers, and the demand for Jack Sparrow is going away. We felt that the real estate would serve a better purpose for Narnia than for Pirates of the Carribbean, a treehouse and a cruise down an audio-animatronic jungle. We're excited about our plans for that portion of the park." Mr. Rasulo also announced that the property in Orlando would be known as Walt and JP's World once the merger was completed, hopefully sometime in the second quarter of 2008. As of the time of this article posting, Disney trading has been halted on the NYSE, as Disney shares opened at $22 a share, down from 31.00, and quickly reached $0.92 a share on today's news. Merrill Lynch downgraded Disney from hold to "sell as fast as you can", and Jim Cramer upgraded Disney from "sell" to "buy as much as you can, they are going to make a ton of money" just yesterday. Acting Secretary of the Treasury Itso Jokeyall announced that the administration will doing everything in its' power to ensure the continuing operations of the "Best place in the world for millions the world over", and ensured that rumors that Disneyland is scheduled for a foreclosure auction "is just a joke, like the rest of this article"
AWESOME JOB Roger! You really made this believable from the beginning to draw everyone in then whamo! Gotcha! ;D